There’s only one word to say about the season premiere of Doctor Who:

DUDE.

Expectations going into Peter Capaldi’s second full season were extremely high, and with the recent announcement that Clara (Jenna Coleman) would be leaving, the stakes were even higher.  Could Capaldi continue the success of last year?

I’d say it’s a resounding yes.

What was great about “The Magician’s Apprentice” is that there was no foreplay.  The episode jumped right into the action with, of course, the Daleks.  But not just any Dalek, the father of all Dalek’s, Davros (Terry Molloy) himself.  The reaction from The Doctor when he realized the child he was trying to save was indeed Davros was just painful.  The terror on his face was palpable and it’s one of the few times I’ve seen true fear on his face.  I don’t know what the Hell planet he was on but those hand monsters were part Pan’s Labyrinth part sand pits from The Princess Bride.  Either way the creatures, coupled with the foggy moor-like landscape, killed it.

Davros’ snake emissary looked like a creature created in Voldemort’s lab.    And was it me or did the bar he went into remind anyone of the Star Wars cantina?  Although if Greedo took on this guy he wouldn’t be any more successful than he was against Han.

As if Big Daddy Dalek Davros wasn’t enough, we also saw the return of Missy (Michelle Gomez).  She is such a slick incarnation of The Master.  As great as John Simm was I think Gomez’s performance tops his.  It’s amazing the lengths she’ll go to just to get Clara and The Doctor’s attention as well.  Frozen planes?  Really?  I also noticed that Missy requested eight snipers to come along for the sit down between Clara and her.  Don’t ignore the significance of that statement.  It means she has plenty of regenerations left, so we should be seeing different incarnations of the Master for quite some time.

The scene between Clara and Missy was more tense than a Ood without his mouth device.  When Missy asks Clara, “How’s your boyfriend?” the image of Chris Tucker saying, “DAMMMNNNN!” immediately popped into my mind. That’s about as cold and callous as you can get.  The interaction only escalates when Missy randomly takes out two security officers when Clara asks if she’s turned good.  Missy may be witty and sarcastic, may even care for The Doctor, but she’s far from good.

One thing you’re never short of in  Doctor Who are intricate artifacts. From the Pandorica to the Sonic Screwdriver, cool gadgets are everywhere.  “The Magician’s Apprentice” was no different, as audiences were introduced to the Confession Dial, the electronic equivalent of a last will and testament, an item to be delivered to a Time Lord’s closest friend the day before his death.  Intriguing that The Doctor delivered the Dial to Missy.  How that action reflects on the rest of the season remains to be seen.

While Doctor Who‘s devices may be ostentatious, they pale in comparison to The Doctor himself.  I may never see anything cooler than The Doctor riding a tank into an arena playing an electric guitar.  Never.  Without question the scene immediately catapulted into my top five best Doctor Who moments.  Medieval citizens saying the word “dude” was just icing on the cake.

Despite the festive nature of the moment, The Doctor’s expositions felt much like gallows humor.  The fact that his first action upon seeing Clara is to embrace her is extremely telling.  After all this is a man who hates hugs because it’s just a way to hide your face.  Capaldi’s iteration has been somewhat cold and aloof as opposed to Matt Smith’s goofy enthusiasm.  To show a modicum of warmth as he did here demonstrates how concerned he is for Clara’s continued existence…and his own.

While the closing fifteen minutes of “The Magician’s Apprentice” didn’t top the scene with the tank and the guitar, it certainly made a gallant effort.  When Missy and Clara stepped out onto the invisible planet, you knew something was up.  And it was a big something.  To see the veil pulled back and reveal that The Doctor, Clara, Missy, and Davros were all on Skaro, the Dalek’s home planet blew my mind.  I can’t actually remember the last time Doctor Who traveled to Skaro.  I sincerely hope we see much more than bulky buildings on next week’s episode.

Although both Clara and Missy were exterminated by the Daleks at the end of the episode, no one really believes that they are gone for good, least of all me.  After all The Doctor has the TARDIS.  And it’s Doctor Who.  It’s timey wimey!

Timey wimey or not, there’s a ton of questions that still need to be answered.  Why is Davros dying?  How do Clara and Missy come back?  Why are they on Skaro?  What’s in the Confession Dial and who is it meant for?  And maybe most importantly, will The Doctor kill the young Davros and if so, what are the ramifications?

Thankfully, we only have to wait a few days to find out.  If the rest of series nine is as good as the season premiere, we are in for a wild ride.

On a scale of 1 to 10 Sonic Screwdrivers, “The Magician’s Apprentice” rates a 10.

You can follow me on Twitter as Darth Gandalf @cocook1978

And here we are at the event I was unsure would ever arrive, the tenth edition of my creepy unsolved mysteries series. When I began writing these articles I was unsure as to how long it would go and right now I do not see an end in sight. I am especially grateful to those of you who have expressed such kind words in the comments section like, Ben, habiblamour, and many others. There are still monsters lurking in the darkness, ghosts haunting historic sights, and crimes that are left as cold cases. So without further ado here is the latest editiong of 5 creepy unsolved mysteries. And once again if you have not already, check out the rest of the series here:

Part 1                          Part 5

Part 2                          Part 6

Part 3                          Part 7

Part 4                         Part 8

                Part 9

• Fire in the Sky abduction: Quitting time is something just about all of us look forward to at the end of the day, but one night for Travis Walton and his coworkers, the end of the work day was the beginning of a five day nightmare. Whilst driving down from the heavily forested mountain where they worked as a logging crew, the group spotted a blazing UFO in the shape of a golden disc, hovering above the nearby treeline. Being young and brash, Walton took it upon himself to exit the work truck and get closer to the flying saucer. His coworkers claimed the object fired out a bluish-green light which sucked Walton away.  Naturally the claim that Walton was abducted by an extraterrestrial force, drew skepticism from law enforcement who began investigation into Walton’s disappearance with a suspicious eye on the loggers. A lack of evidence to make an arrest annoyed investigators to the point that they made the logging crew take a polygraph test. The results of the test concluded, that each of them firmly believed that a UFO had taken their friend away.  By this time, the tale of a logger being abducted by aliens had become a worldwide media sensation drawing more attention onto all involved. The investigation continued until five days later, when a cold and delirious Travis Walton made a phone call to his family from a town thirty miles away. In the days which followed, Walton was restored to health and normality, but the story he told of what happened to him in those five days was the stuff of nightmares. He recalled how he was experimented on by a group of aliens, known to UFOlogists as the Greys. At the end of their procedures, he was given a tour of the ship by a humanoid with large golden eyes. At the end of it all, they drugged the logger and left him back on earth. Walton’s harrowing tale has been adapted into various forms of media, most notably the 1993 film, Fire in the Sky starring Robert Patrick and James Garner.

2. Gilgo Beach Killer: Who is the most prolific killer in the history of New York City? Could it possibly be “the Son of Sam” David Berkowitz? Or perhaps the “Mad Bomber” George P. Metesky? Both of these guesses are wrong, because according to law enforcement the murderer with the highest body count in the history of the Big Apple goes by the colorful nickname, the Gilgo Beach Killer. Never heard of him? That is because this slasher is still at large and investigators are no closer to learning his identity. From 1997 until 2013 the Killer has left a trail of bodies in Long Island, with his victims consisting mostly of sex workers and possibly a toddler whose remains were discovered on the beach. Authorities are not sure how many lives he’s claimed but they know its 10-17. For the Gilgo Beach Killer, has proven himself to be nothing short of a sadist, at one point using his victim’s mobile phone to call and harass her family. Investigators tried to track the killer through these phone calls and at one point in 2009 came within moments of catching him in Times Square. To this day the NYPD is at a lost as to the identity of the killer.

3. Rescued by the Grim Reaper: It is no secret that in Western culture, the Grim Reaper has come to symbolize death and dread, but on a cold winter day in Maryland, an eight year child was rescued by this hooded ominous figure. Dennis Wardrop, was just a child when he was skating on a frozen pond until he moved right into a patch of thin ice which he fell right through into the icy waters below. As water filled his lungs he prepared to meet his eventual end, but something began to poke him. He reached out and grabbed the object and was pulled back to the surface. When he came to he was terrified to find a tall dark hooded figure with a scythe before him, looking closer Wardrop noticed that this ominous figure did not have a face, rather it was a skull with eye sockets empty, except for a whirling dark red light. The Reaper told him it was not yet his time as he wandered off leaving a lasting impression on the boy.

4. The M Cave: In the realms of conspiracy theories, there are more secret underground bases and bunkers than anyone can count, from Dulce to Liyobaa, and everything in between. But earlier this year a new one has come to prominence, the M Cave.  Last fall, experienced hiker and explorer, Kenny Veach, was exploring a mountainous region near an Air Force base when he claims to have discovered an entrance to a cave in the shape of an M. Naturally being the adventurous type, Veach entered the cavern. Despite having done this a million times, Veach claimed he began to feel uneasy and reportedly heard voices from deep inside the cavern, his body began to shake violently until he quickly high tailed it out of there. The explorer took to social media to tell others of his discovery, most notably this Youtube video:

If you don’t have twenty minutes to spare, the video shows Veach going back to the site of the cave only to discover it is no longer there. That was the last anyone has seen of him. Friends, family, and the authorities have combed the desert searching for the missing explorer but no sign of him has turned up. Many claim that the M Cave which served as the root of all this, was a hoax, but if so why did Kenny Veach risk his life to return to the spot to prove his experience to be true? Naturally many have suggested that he stumbled across a secret he was not supposed to know, with the infamous cave being so close to an Air Force base this is not outside of the realm of possibility.

5. Villisca Axe Murders: In a sister piece of sorts to this series, I wrote about five of the most haunted places in America (check it out here), in which I discussed the Villisca Axe Murder House in Iowa.It was 1912, and respected Villisca businessman, Josiah Moore and his wife Sara played host to two girls to spend the night with their own four children. The following morning neighbors became concerned when nobody from the Moore family had come out to take part in their morning activities. When they went to investigate their neighbors discovered to their horror, all six people in the house had been hacked to pieces with an axe during the night. Given how admired the Moore family was in this small community the news of this crime spread and the people of Villisca acted with shock and horror. A sloppy investigation was conducted by local law enforcement and the list of suspects ranging from, Josiah’s business peers to the local clergy, but no conviction was ever made. As time passed passed, developers tried to utilize the site of this grizzly crime scene as a rental property, but nobody lasted long as the restless spirits of the family are still active in the home. Adding to the creepiness which already existed in the site, many sensitives and paranormal investigators have claimed that the spirit of the axe murderer himself still haunts the attic of the home, adding evidence to the theory that many of held that the murderer hid out in the attic of the home before striking out and killing the family.

One of our favourite indie game of all time is Prison Architect, it echoes the Theme Park and Theme Hospital games I loved in the 90s. And the release version of Prison Architect is out this week! But since we’ve already covered in depth and still gush about it on Twitter, here’s a game that functions almost as the perfect companion piece. Rather than building and managing a prison with cool retro graphics and black humour, you’re breaking out of one!

You’re one of a group of prisoners in a prison (duh) and you’re goal is to find a way out while avoiding suspicion from the guards or pissing off your cellmates to the point of shanking. This means you have to stick to the prison routine by attending role call, doing your work placement, going to scheduled meals working out. You can trade with other prisoners to obtain items you need and do favours to earn cash. Some favours can involve beating up another prisoner or stealing from them, which puts you on their bad side, which will make life difficult during your day to day.

By taking advantage of fleeting opportunities to operate unobserved you can begin the process of opening a hole to the vents, chip through the wall or dig a tunnel. You’ll need the right tools for the job, which may need replacing from time to time, as well as a way to hide your work. If you get a screwdriver and open a vent, you’ll still need enough glue and toilet paper to make a paper mache cover to hide your work. If you maintain the subterfuge you can stash items in the vents and travel more freely. There’s a few different ways to go about this (even going the Shawshank poster route) depending on the prison and the timing, giving the player a number of options to explore. The game gives you very little guidance so you’re going to going through a lot of trail and error or hitting up the Wiki.

The Escapists is a slow burn game as you have to spend a lot of time following the routine and building up your stats before you can make real progress. If you’re in the mood for a simulator with RPG elements this is top of the line, and with a number of prisons to work through you’ll get your money worth. Plus there’s some real life prisons like Alcatraz to grab as DLC. Worth checking out.

Buzz-worthy books of the week

From Under the Mountains #1

A new fantasy series from Image Comics.

Grayson Annual #2

The Grayson Annual takes the opportunity to showcase the relationship between Dick Grayson, former Robin, and Superman. Because he was such a package deal when it came to Batman back in the day, he was an often forgotten but essential element of the World’s Finest. If Batman was a prodigal father, than Supes was a prodigal uncle.

Sons of the Devil #5

The end of the first arc of what I think is one of the best new books of the year.

For those of you who like to keep a steady 31 days full of the Halloween spirit, here are just enough films to keep you going all month long!

31. The Halloween Tree (1993)

A Ray Bradbury tale about a group of trick-or-treating children who learn about the origins and influences of Halloween.

30. Silver Bullet (1985)

 
A werewolf is hiding out in a small peaceful town of Tarker’s Mills and it’s up to the townspeople to find out who it is.

29. Lady in White (1988)

This film is based on the local legend of the lady in white and also takes place on Halloween.

28. House of 1000 Corpses (2009)

Rob Zombie’s macabre tale of a family of psycho murderers takes place on Halloween night with a twisted party.

27. La Leyenda de la Llorona (2011)

Taking place on Halloween night, this Mexican animated tale follows young kids who must stop the infamous La Llorana ghost.

26. Monster Squad (1987)

A fun, family-oriented flick full of kids saving the day and our favorite classic horror villains.

25. Mischief Night (2013)

Here in New Jersey, Mischief Night is a huge deal. Wherever you live, this film will make you scared of October 30th.

24. Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981)

This made-for-tv movie features one of the most classic Halloween aesthetics as it’s villain: the scarecrow!

23. The Hollow (2004)

An ABC Family movie about the descendants of  Ichabod Crane who must stop the Headless Horseman in present-day.

22. All Hallow’s Eve (2013)

There’s nothing scarier than a homicidal clown, especially on Halloween night.

21. Paranorman (2012)

This animated tale of a boy who can talk to ghosts is so much more than just a kid’s film. It’s beautiful, poignant and ground-breaking.

20. Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)

  
A cult comedy, there are many who watch Ernest Scared Stupid every October.

19. Frankenweenie (2012)

Frankenweenie is an adorable animated film that is a kid-friendly version of the classic Frankenstein.

18. Practical Magic (1998)

A romantic horror drama, this movie captures the witchy spirit in everyone.

17. Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Arguably Tim Burton and Johnny Depp’s best collaboration, this film celebrates one of America’s best legends: The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.

16. Ginger Snaps (2000)

This cult film follows two sisters who deal with puberty and werewolves and culminates on Halloween night.

15. Casper (1995)

Another ABC Family October staple, Casper is one of our childhood Halloween classics.

14. The rest of the Halloween franchise (1981-2009)

While none of the sequels or remakes are nearly as good as the original, this is still the perfect time of year to watch anything from the Halloween franchise.

13. Halloweentown (1998)

While it may have lost some of its touch over the years, nostalgia hits home for this Disney Channel Original movie.

12. Creepshow (1982)

This cult anthology by Romero and King is chock-full of Halloween and creepy goodness.

11. Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

Based off of Ray Bradbury’s novel, this creepy kid’s film is about two pre-teens who deal with a traveling carnival and the mysterious Mr. Dark.

10. Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

This fun and silly Old Hollywood film follows Cary Grant as he discovers that his two kind aunts are actually serial killers.

9. Satan’s Little Helper (2005)

This one may fly under the radar but the tale of a young boy, his older sister, and a creepy masked devil on Halloween is worth watching.

8. Addam’s Family Values (1993)

A Halloween classic and ABC Family staple, the Addams’ are the quintessential Halloween family.

7. Idle Hands (1999)

This is a great comedy from the time when teen movies were the best movies.

6. Monster House (2006)

This animated tale of kids who encounter a living house on Halloween is in my opinion severely underrated. It’s just as good as any Disney film but not nearly as well-known.

5. Night of the Demons (1988)

Another Halloween classic; an 80’s film about partygoers on Halloween night who get more than they bargained for.

4. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Never has an animated film been so loved and so associated with the holidays as much as this one. Another essential viewing.

3. Trick r Treat (2007)

The once obscure film has now gained plenty of popularity and rightly so; it’s a wonderful horror film that is full of the Halloween spirit.

2. Halloween (1978)

John Carpenter’s classic is the creme de la slashers; the ultimate holiday horror movie. No October is done right without it.

1. Hocus Pocus (1993)

I don’t care if you’re seven or forty-seven, Hocus Pocus is the defining Halloween film. It’s fun and scary for kids and holds the ultimate nostalgia for adults. If for some reason you haven’t seen this movie yet, stop what you’re doing and go watch it!

Well another week and another stellar episode of Doctor Who.

It obviously came as no big shock to anyone that Clara and Missy were still alive thanks to some slick redirection of energy from the Dalek lasers.  Credit to the writers on this one by coating the explanation with a story of  how the Doctor  escaped a similar situation.  Aside from being a cool little narrative (the sequence where the doctor goes through a dark hall changing really worked) it made the deus ex machina easier to swallow.

Clara and Missy’s team up was quite an interesting dynamic.  We knew Clara’s motives were clear–find The Doctor and get the Hell out, but Missy’s seemed ambiguous.  Obviously Missy wants The Doctor too, but to save him or manipulate him?  Clara clearly means nothing to him as she later tries to get The Doctor to destroy Clara when she’s trapped in the Dalek.  The sewer/graveyard the two of them traversed was fairly disgusting, but in the midst of their banter did anyone else notice Missy mentioned she had a daughter?  I feel that’s significant and she will probably show up later in the season.  (Perhaps Maisie Williams character?)

While Clara and Missy were wading through the river of Dalek doo doo, The Doctor pow wowed with the head Dalek, Davros.  I’m just going to say it, the scenes between Capaldi and Terry Malloy were some of the best in the 50 year history of Doctor Who.  Davros in his final death throes becomes a sympathetic character, despite his murderous tendencies.  The room he resides in is abysmal.  As The Doctor says, “This is where you dump a smelly old Uncle.”  Almost seemed like a commentary on elderly care.

Compassion flows from The Doctor.  It’s one of the fundamental foundations of his personality–even for his enemies.  Davros comments that “It will kill you in the end.”  While that remains to be seen, compassion is what draws him to Skaro.   He came because Davros asked. Seems more like something you’d do for a best friend rather than a hated enemy.  That compassion is also what prevents him from committing mass genocide.  Davros gives him the opportunity to rid the Universe of Daleks once and for all….and he rejects it utterly.

Compassion for The Doctor is also what prompts Clara to take the extreme measure of getting inside a Dalek tank in order to get by the Dalek guards.  I’m not going to lie, I flipped shit when that moment happened.  I thought, “Is this how it happens?  Is this how the initial meeting with Matt Smith’s Doctor and Clara comes about?”  Despite the fact that Clara gets out of the Dalek tank, it did interface with her brain, so I’m suspecting that the residual effects of that interaction will remain with that Dalek, and connect directly to The Doctor and  Clara’s first encounter.

The most significant question raised by Davros, is one that Doctor Who fans have asked for years–Why did the Doctor run?  And hey let’s call a spade a spade, he’s still running.  It’s for damn sure not because he was bored as he said.  It’s also a question that doesn’t bear out a concrete answer.  It’s an answer we may never get.  In any event fans already kind of know.  The Doctor was running from his past, from the tragic events of the Time War, and the part he played in it.  Except now we know that Gallifrey is still out there and his people are alive.

In the midst of Davros’ final moments I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more moving moment between The Doctor and his most hated enemy.  To see Davros crying in joy that The Doctor’s people are still alive, to see him advise The Doctor to “take care of his own”, to see Davros actually CRY–man if that didn’t make you emotional as a fan you have no soul.

But then…

We have that emotional moment ripped asunder when Davros “tricks” The Doctor into giving Davros some of his regeneration energy to ostensibly see one final sunrise.  Instead the machine traps The Doctor, gives Davros new life, and infuses the Dalek’s with more energy.  This sets up a goodly amount of Dalek episodes in the future.  It also raises questions: do the Daleks now have regenerative powers?  Does this affect The Doctor long-term physically?  Who or what is the supposed hybrid Davros’ mentions from the Gallifreyan prophecy? And maybe most importantly, now that the Daleks are resurgent and Gallifrey is somewhere out there in the Universe, will the Time War begin anew?

Of course in true Doctor fashion, he knew all along that Davros would try to trick him, so in addition to increasing the power of Daleks, he unleashed the power of the sewer Daleks allowing Clara and him to escape.  AND OH MY GOD THE DOCTOR NOW HAS SONIC SUNGLASSES!!!  So cool.  Google must be ecstatic.

Even though Clara and The Doctor escape it’s unclear whether Missy does.  Although I can’t imagine she doesn’t.  Especially when she’s confronted by Daleks and has some type of epiphany.  I wonder if now that the Daleks possess a bit of regenerative energy inside them, perhaps Missy can control them.  Maybe she will become the new Davros.

This episode really sets up a lot of things for the rest of the season.  Perhaps even for several seasons.  And what exactly is the significance of The Doctor saving Davros as a child?  Was he meant to do that all along.  Will it change events in the future?  I feel like Jim Carrey in Batman Forever, “Too many questions!”

All I know right now is that Series 9 is two for two and everyone better buckle up because this roller coaster hasn’t even hit the loop the loop yet.

On a scale of 0 to 10 Sonic Screwdrivers–err Sunglasses this episode rates at 10

Follow me as Darth Gandalf on Twitter at @cocook1978

We’ve talked about Sir Terry Pratchett here from time to time, such as this guide to the Discworld series, his 10 best characters and, sadly, a tribute following his departure from the mortal plane. This week we, like many fans, have been enjoying his final novel and entry into the Discworld series ‘The Shepherd’s Crown’. It’s been well received by fans and critics, and is a bitter sweet end to one of the longest running series in pop culture.

If you haven’t read it yet, and you intend to, get on to it. And turn away now, it’s we’re getting into spoiler territory.

Although the character of Tiffany Aching was intended to follow a 4 story arc this marks her fifth outing as a protagonist. This feels right, as we’ve seen Mistress Aching has growing up in this world, offering a unique perspective on established characters and lore, and getting a strong finale for the character is a great way to mark the end of this epic series. This feeling of finality is enhanced by Pratchett straight up killing a main character in the first act.

One thing that has made Pratchett’s books such a treasure is how well realised his characters are. Although they occupy the realm of fantasy they have such recognisable traits. Everyone knows a Nanny Ogg, and met a Munstrum Ridcully. We even sympathise with the existentialist crisis suffered by the Grim Reaper. So when one of them dies it carries a heavy meaning with it. Not that Pratchett has ever killed any of his leads, like Vimes or Rincewind. He always has a new path to take them down.

But…he killed Granny Weatherwax. THE character. The most realistic and awe-inspiring character in the series. We love seeing her get into impossible situations just to see her crush her opponents. And she died. Not in an epic struggle but in her sleep after getting her cottage tidied up. There is no way an author with this kind of following and with open communication with his fans could avoid a massive blowback for this kind of thing.

Unless…

Sir Terry Pratchett knew he wasn’t long for the world. His progress with Alzheimer’s disease has been public, as his intention to use assisted suicide once he could no longer work. Although that is not how it panned out, it was known that this was likely to be his last book in the series. Could Pratchett have planned for this startling turn of events to land on the shelves when he wouldn’t face the repercussions from fans? He never skirted away from dark humour – Death is one of his main characters – and there’s something heart warming about the thought of Pratchett getting a laugh at our expense from beyond the grave. It’s seems…mirthful. A perfect send off.

Thankfully it doesn’t feel like a move done for shock value. It’s not even a Granny Weatherwax story, it’s a Tiffany Aching story and the death serves her story. Having established herself as the most powerful young witch in an age by defeating the Queen of the elves, melted the Wintersmith and generally been a badass the only way left forward would be through Granny. Having Tiffany trying to fill the boots of Granny is much more in line with the characters than some kind of confrontation between them. The event is dealt with in a sombre but realistic manner, showing the ripples is causes throughout the world.

This is a heartfelt and charming finale to a long and impressive career. Any fan of the stories to date will enjoy ‘The Shepherd’s Crown’. If you’re not familiar with the series this isn’t a good place to start – more than any other book it feels like it was written for the fans. But go ahead and check out the rest. 

Plot:  When a dangerous sandstorm cuts short the third manned expedition to Mars, the crew is forced to make an emergency escape. During the departure however, astronaut Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is struck by a piece of equipment and presumed dead.  Rather than endanger the entire crew,  Commander Melissa Lewis (Jessica Chastain) leaves Watney behind.  Unbeknownst to the crew, Watney survives the ordeal.  With limited food, no communication, and a habitat designed to last only 31 days, Mark will need to use all his skills as an engineer and botanist to survive.

Review:  Director Ridley Scott’s tract record hasn’t exactly been stellar of late.  Exodus: Gods and Kings and The Counselor didn’t exactly set the world on fire with critics or at the box office.

Fortunately, Scott rebounds in a big way with his latest film The Martian.

Based on the best-selling novel by Andy Weir, The Martian sports a top-notch cast, stirring visuals, and a surprising amount of humor.  It may be the best book to film adaptation I’ve ever witnessed.  The film captures the humor, vivid visuals, sense of adventure, and (as corny as it sounds) the triumph of the human spirit of Weir’s novel.  Credit screenwriter Drew Goddard for harnessing the essence of the book and transferring it to screen.  I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Goddard carries home the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay next March.

What’s intriguing about The Martian is that the antagonist is Mars itself.  There’s no malevolent xenomorph like in Scott’s Alien.  Mars’ as a whole isn’t callous, indifferent, or evil.  Those are the traits of a villain.  Rather Mars just IS.  Dariusz Wolski’s cinematography is truly breathtaking, as Mars becomes a vivid tapestry that unfolds throughout the film.  I say this with no hyperbole:  it looks like they filmed on Mars.  Harry Gregson-Willams’ elegant and spirit raising score complements the Martian environment and Watney’s trials and tribulations perfectly. This is very much a man versus nature tale, except in this case the environment just happens to be on the fourth planet in the solar system.  An environment that unfortunately for Watney has no breathable atmosphere, no water, no indigenous life, chilling temperatures, and violent sandstorms.

Thankfully, our protagonist Mark Watney is  up for the challenge.  Rather than relying on any divine intervention (although there is a scene where we definitely see his appeal to a higher power) Damon’s character survives on his ingenuity and skills.  Whether it’s cultivating Martian soil and combining it with a fertilizer made of his own feces in order to grow potatoes, using old Pathfinder equipment to establish contact with NASA, or retrofitting his Mars Rover in order to travel to the Ares 4 site, Watney’s actions show how far the mind can go to manifest human survival.  Ridley Scott does an admirable job of making the science aspect of the film not only understandable but interesting.  Rather than feeling like a lecture, it felt like a natural part of the movie.

Additionally, Damon conveys the gallows humor of Watney perfectly.  He’s a character that knows that at any time he could die but is able to find the humor in almost anything.  The scene where he says he’s going to die on Mars simply because he has nothing to listen to but Commander Lewis’ disco is hysterical.  Or when he requests that NASA call him Blondbeard the Pirate because technically after leaving the habitat he’s in maritime waters.  It creates a likeability that the audience really gravitates towards.  Damon makes it easy to root for Watney and I daresay this is his best performance since Good Will Hunting.  Considering he carries the entire first act of the film, it kind of had to be.

The Martian also proves why the Academy needs an award for best ensemble cast.  Everyone from Chastain as the guilt ridden commander,to Jeff Daniels as Teddy Sanders the stoic head of NASA, to Benedict Wong as Bruce Ng, the dry humored director of JPL is perfect. Even Sean Bean as Mitch Henderson, shines as the Mars Mission Director who feels more for Watney and the crew of Ares 3 than anyone else.  (Watch for a scene that references Lord of the Rings, definitely funny for LOTR fans).  Even Community‘s Donald Glover plays a small but integral part in the movie as astrophysicist Rich Purnell, a man so caught up in his purpose he doesn’t realize that Teddy Sanders is the head of NASA.

I only had two grievances with the film.  Scott overused onscreen text to identify everyone’s title (I’ve always been of the show don’t tell mindset) and the romantic relationship between astronaut Beth Johanssen (Kate Mara) and astronaut Chris Beck (Sebastian Stan) is really underdone. But these are minor things that in no way take away from the greatness of this film.

Surprisingly the film I kept thinking about after I watched Ridley Scott’s latest film was Mad Max: Fury Road.  While both were set in barren landscapes, Fury Road was driven by action whereas The Martian was character driven.  While polar opposites tonally, both films exceeded in their objectives.  The Martian also feels like a nice complement to Ron Howard’s film Apollo 13 and hopefully inspires people to revisit that film as well.  More than anything I hope it inspires younger generations to gravitate toward science and space exploration in general.

The Martian quite simply is the best film ever made about Mars and one of the best films of the year.  Don’t miss it.

My rating:  9/10

You can follow me as Darth Gandalf on Twitter @cocook1978

Buzz-worthy books of the week

Amazing Spider-Man #1

Finally! Marvel is back! Check out one of their flagship characters’ return from that crappy Battleworld.

Batman and Robin Eternal #1

This new weekly series about the Bat-family will focus on the legacy and mythology of the Robin mantle, a mantle that I am a big fan of and have been looking forward to something big to happen with it lately.

Doctor Strange #1

It should come as no surprise that Doc Strange is making his way back to a his own title what with the big Hollywood movie coming along.

Invincible Iron Man #1

Iron Man is back too. I stopped reading his title after the whole Axis moral flip spell.

Jughead #1

The Archie reboot is surprisingly cool, very much keeping in the same spirit of the old book. And now Jughead is getting his own spinoff.

Nailbiter #16

Special Halloween issue of my new favorite horror title? Yes please!

Paper Girls #1

On one hand, when I read Brian K. Vaughn has another title in the works, I think get back to work on Saga goddammit. But it is still a brand new Vaughn book. This one sounds pretty good. 4 paper delivery girls uncover a great secret being billed as Stand By Me meets War of the Worlds.

Survivor’s Club #1

You ever read a premise and been like “Dammit, that was my idea.” Yea, this is what is happening here. This story revolves around the sole survivors of ’80s horror movie plotlines getting together and helping each other through the trauma. Then a pesky cult gets involved.

Ninja Turtles #50

The conclusion to the fight for New York.

After the first two episodes of Series 9 rocked out like The Doctor playing “Stairway to Heaven,” a drop off was inevitable.  That’s not to say that the latest episode of Doctor Who, “Under the Lake,” is a poor episode.  Not by any means.  To use a baseball analogy, while the opening two episodes were home runs, this one is a double.

We start out in Capaldi’s stomping grounds, Caithness, Scotland in the early 22nd century at an underwater oil mining facility called The Drum.   After discovering a mysterious craft in the lake that appears to be of alien origin, the crew brings the vessel aboard only to find it’s haunted.  Moreover it’s haunted by a poltergeist who proceeds to kill the Captain.  Worse still, said Captain becomes a ghost himself and the crew’s only solace is in a Faraday cage that blocks radio transmissions.

What’s fascinating is how The Doctor actually turns up in this situation.  Long time fans of Doctor Who know that the T.A.R.D.I.S is a living thing and sometimes doesn’t take The Doctor to where he wants to go but rather where he needs to go.   Such is the case here.  In fact The Doctor even comments that the T.A.R.D.I.S is clearly upset.  So much so that her translation process doesn’t seem to be working.  First impressions indicated to me that the T.A.R.D.I.S  was disturbed by the appearance of real ghosts which she considers an aberration.  For a creature/machine based concretely in science, this is a disturbing revelation.  Not so much for The Doctor however, who seems to be excited about the process.  His reaction is surprising considering it’s always been implied (although never explicitly stated) that The Doctor doesn’t believe in an afterlife.  Yet in this instance his sense of adventure overpowers his skepticism.  As it should.

Clara’s sense of adventure is severely heightened as well.  I know there’s a lot of hate for Jenna Coleman as a companion, but this is maybe the first time we’ve seen her really enthusiastic to go on adventures, something that’s usually present in all companions.  Yet The Doctor sees through her facade (?) implying she’s addicted to the adventure and maybe should get over Danny and get a new boyfriend.  That was an extremely tense moment as it’s about the closest the two have come to discussing Danny’s death.  It’s clear that it’s a topic Clara still has no interest in addressing.

The humor in this episode is nothing short of brilliant.  Two of my favorite lines were, “Who’s in charge?  I need to know who to ignore!” and “It’s ok.  I understand.  You’re an idiot.”  The bluntness of Capaldi is just awesome.  And The Doctor using note cards to express sympathy?  Genius.

One of the things I love about The Doctor is his uncanny ability for deduction.  It’s on par with Sherlock Holmes.  After all he’s the one who picks up on the missing power cell and the missing suspended animation chamber.  He questions what exactly the ghosts are, what do they want, why can they only come out at night, and what exactly it is they are saying.  Isolating the ghosts in the Faraday cage seems to be the best course of action and using the crew as live bait while cool, was a little cliché.  In fact I was reminded of a similar scene in Alien 3.  Although to use the Sonic Sunglasses to create a hologram of Clara was a nice touch I must admit.

The words the ghosts are saying are truly disturbing–The Dark (space), The Sword (Constellation Orion), The Forsaken (the lost alien), and The Temple (the church where the suspended animation chamber is hidden).   Speaking of the church, how awesome was the virtual reality machine used to navigate the sub that located the church?

The real mystery to me is why killing people would boost a distress signal.  And if the alien ghost is actually dead, why would he need rescue in the first place?  Aside from being separated and looking to save Clara and the crew, I think The Doctor went back in time to get some of those answers.

Unfortunately for fans we’ll have to wait until next week to get those answers.  And with the final shot being The Doctor as a ghost, it’s going to be a looong week.

One a scale of  0 to 10 sonic screwdrivers this episode rates an 8.

You can follow me as Darth Gandalf on Twitter @cocook1978

Horror and television has a sporadic relationship. It doesn’t happen as often as it should and when it does it only occasionally hits the mark. Restrictions of television means that the content is often muted, leaving it to shows like American Horror Story to push the envelope and that’s mostly in atmosphere rather than content. Maybe the upcoming Evil Dead will change things up but in the meantime we’re make do with Scream. Is it worth it?

There’s a few problems coming out the gate, that being the structure of the slasher movie is not ideally suited to a long running narrative. Suspension of disbelief plays a large role in these movies – a human killer isn’t going to get away with this shit for long. Carving up parties of teens in a town where the cops are already on high alert isn’t going to end with a slick escape. The show itself acknowledges this and other problems right out the gate when the Nerd character outlines them in a class discussion (something that happens all the time, I’m sure).

If the killer could burst in right now and kill them all, that’ll be great.

This entire scene was an oddity in itself. When your premise is rocky the last thing you should be doing is drawing attention to it in the form of a monologue. And some post-modern bollocks of talking about it directly doesn’t excuse it. This didn’t bode well for the series as a whole, and the pilot episode seemed to trying to emulate the original film as much as possible, just two decades after Scream was heralded as an original concept that brought a swarm of imitators. There were a number of viewers who were quick to judge on this one episode alone and wrote it off as a fail. Nobody likes those people.

As the series went on the show did not ingratiate itself through good characterisation or good plotting. It did, however, develop a charm of its own through a clear love of the genre. Every player in the game fulfilled a set stereotype and did little to deviate from there, but multiple subplots were introduced and with it came intrigue. In addition to the usual masked killer with a shadowy backstory we had a creepy hospital, blackmail, mysterious figures and hokey technological gimmicks – this time around they were spying on each other with webcams.

Pictured: typical teens.

The Ghostface killer and their identity was at the backbone, but the show runners did a good job of twisting various elements together to produce a better complete product. The kills started out as generic to some more elaborate and gruesome affairs as the episodes wound on, with the main characters boyfriend…splitting…being a shocking highlight.

Overall the series is ranking at the midway point on Metacritic and Rottentomatoes, so the strengths of the shows may have come to late. Leaving the show on a surprise twist cliffhanger to be continued in the next season was a bot of a let down. It would have been better to get closure and start over with a new story in an anthology type fashion. The show never elevated itself above the level of Scream 3, but hopefully it opens the doors for something better to enter the spotlight.

It could really get a head,

Let’s take a moment to talk about the self-published market that has blown up thanks to Amazon and Kindle related technologies. Anyone can now publish their own work for people to read and pay for, and this is immensely awesome. We no longer have the elite few publishers acting as gatekeepers between writers and the public. But to paraphrase Ratatouille, “everyone can publish, not everyone necessarily should”. This new market has plenty of weird inter-species erotica to dig past to find the serious authors, but even then you’re facing books in desperate need of an editor. Long winded, repetitive and lofty allegories about things Redditors blame for the downfall of modern society (organised religion, gender equality, etc.) and Mary Sue adventures in post-apocalyptica are the order of the day.

For that reason ‘There is a Light That Never Goes Out’ by Justin Cawthorne gets a shiny gold star for being a tight genre thriller with an original thematic device. It doesn’t say more than it has to and is first and foremost about atmosphere.

We begin with Alice, the personal assistant to a CEO of a major corporation, rebuffing his sleazy advances. Shortly after that all hell breaks loose and Alice finds herself among a small group of survivors in an underground complex filled with their co-workers attempting to bludgeon them to death. The company’s project, a rage inducing virus both transmitted and triggered by light, has been deployed and all but our five characters have been infected. They have to find a way to escape the lock down and bring threat to attention of the authorities before being infected themselves or torn to shreds.

What separates ‘There is a Light That Never Goes Out’ from similarly themed horror stories is the use of light as a threat. When exposed to light the infected fly into a homicidal rage, forcing the survivors to seek out darkness as a refuge. Author Cawthorne has used this to great effect, especially in the second part of the story where the entire complex has the lights disabled. Descriptions of flailing into the pitch black, coping with the all encompassing void and sense of disorientation creates a wonderful sense of dread, making this a story you’ll want to read in the dead of night to fully appreciate the effect. The addition of a character with a phobia of the dark ups the stakes, but more interesting is the inclusion of a blind character who is used to managing in the dark. This role reversal of the disabled character being the most capable in an emergency situation is an innovative switch up.

The story is at its best in the self-contained sequences of the characters trying to find their way from one end of a room to the other in pitch darkness, knowing that there’s a danger but being unable to look out for it. The point of view switches from character to character giving us glimpses of what each is experiencing without ever revealing the full picture. Moments like these are packed with suspense and unpredictability, as no one character is completely safe.

As we noted before the story doesn’t say anything more than it has to, which benefits the tone and flow of the story. It also brings in one small flaw with the narrative, in that it feels very closed off from the world. We can see how this services the story, but we lack the context of the outside world the characters are fighting to reach and protect from the outbreak. Perhaps a brief prologue of Alice arriving at work or going through her morning routine would help in that regard.

If you’re looking to add a dose of creeping dread to your Halloween reading list, ‘There is a Light That Never Goes Out’ is a short and tense read perfectly suited to an evening in the dark. It features passages of finely crafted suspense and encourages the reader to dread what lurks just out of sight. We suggest picking it up.

Get yourself a copy RIGHT HERE or RIGHT HERE. It only costs a buck!

It is now the time of year as Halloween draws near, which seems to be the appropriate time to unleash the newest edition of 5 Creepy Unsolved Mysteries. If you wish feel free to scroll through the previous editions of this series where we explore the unexplained.

Part 1                      Part 6

Part 2                      Part 7

Part 3                       Part 8

Part 4                      Part 9

Part 5                       Part 10

1. Earnestine & Hazel’s Juke Box: Those of you who have read my articles in the past know, I have no shortage of love for my adopted home town of Memphis, Tennessee. The city has a rich and colorful history that few other cities can compare to. It is one of the most historic landmarks of the Bluff City that this mystery takes place in, Earnestine & Hazels which by all appearances is the diviest of dive bars. Built in the 1930’s little has changed about the tavern which has served; gangsters, pirates, prostitutes, rock stars, and celebrities. But as you enjoy one of their Soul Burgers in the front room with a bottle of Ghost River Golden Ale, you may notice an old jukebox in the room. Over the decades employees and patrons alike have noticed the box seems in tune with conversations filling the bar and has a tendency to play songs pertaining to these conversations without any provocation. This could be seen as a coincidence if it happened a few times, but the box belts out these tunes on a regular basis when nobody has selected anything. It seems fitting that a city which has contributed so much to the nation’s musical heritage has a haunted juke box that knows exactly what the people want.

2. The Hinterkaifeck Farm Murders: One snowy morning a farmer in 1920’s Germany, named Andreas Gruber, wakes up and sets about his morning routine (my farm experience is lacking so I’m going to assume it something to do with chickens or cows or crops or something). But this morning was different, as the farmer noticed a mysterious set of footprints in the snow leading up to his home yet no footprints leaving. This was only the beginning of an unsolved mystery which still plagues investigators who want to know what happened at the Hinterkaifeck Farm. In the weeks that followed he and his wife heard footsteps from the attic and noticed things around the house being moved or going missing outright. Their housekeeper chalked this up to a haunting and abruptly quit, leaving the Gruber family alone to face this unseen force. In the days that followed the members of the family stopped showing up to school, church, and other social activities, but smoke was seen billowing out of their chimney meaning someone was home. When suspicious neighbors went to investigate, they discovered to their horror that the family, their new housekeeper and her children had all been murdered. According to the investigation, someone lured the adults out to the barn one by one and slaughtered them with a pick axe. The murderer then ventured into the house where they finished off the children. This tale takes a more ominous twist when police came to the realization that the killer had spent some time there after the murder, citing the smoke neighbors had seen as well as food which had been eaten. Ninety years later this cold case is still unsolved.

3. Resurrection Mary:  We have all heard the familiar ghost story of the driver, picking up a beautiful hitchhiker, taking her to her destination only to find that she has mysteriously vanished. But for drivers in Justice, Illinois, right outside of Chicago, this urban legend holds a great deal of reality.  Legend has it that during the 1930’s the blonde haired, white clad woman now known as Resurrection Mary met a brutal end while on a journey, since then her spirit has been seen outside of the town’s cemetery on Archer Lane looking for a ride. For a time it was a rite of passage for cab drivers unfamiliar with the tale to pick up this mysterious woman and find themselves out of the fare at some point during the ride. The question over who exactly Resurrection Mary was and what happened to her still remains a mystery but one can only hope that she finds peace in the afterlife by finally making it to where she is going.

4. The Row Boat at Bouvet Island: It has been pointed out to me that I tend to write quite a bit about the mysteries of the seas in this series, so I felt obliged to include yet another one here in this latest edition. Bouvet Island is in inhospitable and barren island in South Atlantic lying between South Africa and Antarctica. In the 1950’s explorers from South Africa began making expeditions to the island, hoping to establish a maritime station there. As these treks continued in 1964, one group of scientists made a bizarre discovery. Floating in a lagoon on the island was a small row boat with both oars still in place. There were no markings on the raft to indicate where it could have come from, so the researchers began to search for signs of people in the area who may have been passengers on this boat. Nothing ever surfaced and the origins of this rowboat remain a mystery.

5. Lizard Man: Usually when one is lost in in the swamps of the American South, they usually only have to fear stumbling upon the Legion of Doom’s Headquarters, but in Ore Swamp in South Carolina visitors have something far more terrifying to worry about. For much of the twentieth century a monster covered in scales and fur known as, Lizard Man has been terrorizing those who venture to close to his marshy domain. Unlike other creatures of the cryptozoological variety, the Lizard Man is not one to scurry away after being seen, as many of the most prominent witnesses testify that that the creature viciously attacked them. The scaly animal has shown a tendency to attack cars for some reason, as evidenced by the two most prominent encounters with the creature; a teenager who encountered the creature while changing a flat tire, and a family who found their minivan severely damaged by the animal.

The Longshots!

LOS ANGELES, CA – JULY 17: (EDITORS NOTE: Image processed using digital filters) Actor Dwayne Johnson attends Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Sports Awards 2014 on July 17, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images)

6. Dwayne Johnson

When The Rock first got involved in this project, I really wanted him to be Shazam. His nice guy demeanor is always more effective than any other tone he has tried, and his underrated sense of humor would be put to good use as a kid in an adult’s body. I know he is already cast as Black Adam, but technically The Wizard gives Billy and Adam the same abilities. Maybe they are turning into the same champion.

5. Patrick Warburton

Warburton has been a fan-favorite for a long time thanks to his filmography of lovable oafs that would translate pretty well to a kid in an adult’s body, the most popular probably being his turn as the titular Tick. At 50, he may have aged out completely, but I saw on one forum, a user trying to write a convincing reason for Warburton to take on the role. What if the being is choosing their champion on what they think a true man would be? Adam chooses some big burly he-man warrior, and Billy, an orphan, chooses his father. It is kind of compelling, and makes sense when you see illustrations of Billy’s father. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is what was literally happening. I just couldn’t find any confirmation that Billy truly based his superhero persona on his father.

4. Nathan Fillion

Thanks to his work with Joss Whedon, Nathan Fillion has been fan-cast for a lot of different characters. I almost didn’t even want to put him on the list, but I caved anyway. While his role in Firefly made everyone think he could be Green Lantern or Nathan Drake, his role on Dr.Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog as Captain Hammer should convince everyone he could play the Big Red Cheese. Ya know, except with less of a libido than Hammer. Of course, Fillion is usually the first to note that Castle keeps him too busy to take on these kinds of roles.

The Better Shots

3. Ryan Hurst

Ryan Hurst turned some heads with his role as Opie on Sons of Anarchy. It gave him a pretty wild head of hair, which I haven’t seen him without in a very long time. That hair has sort of dictated his roles outside of SOA. I am curious if it is a personal choice, or if it was for the series. He was clean cut in movies like Remember the Titans and The Ladykillers. If he cleans up, he’d make a pretty good Shazam.

2. Enver Gjokaj

Before Ben Affleck was cast and it was made clear that the DC movie universe was going to go with an older Batman, I really wanted Enver to play Bruce. Dollhouse wasn’t a great show, but it should have made Enver a star. He was an action hero, a comic relief, a master of accents and voices. The guy could seemingly play anything. He deserves a chance at the big leagues

1 Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake’s been on a roll lately. Even with the not so glowingly reviewed Southpaw, Jake was still held up as the best thing about it (and he was in serious superhero shape). It is possible that after the success of Day After Tomorrow and the not-so-success of Prince of Persia, he may be done with summer blockbusters, but I think he could walk the fine line of nuance involved with a goody two shoes character that is a goody two shoes because he is still literlly full of childlike innocence.

It’s hard to picture a list of the best cinematic thriller/mysteries of all time without including Seven.  Yet if not for the resilience of director David Fincher, the film might not have happened at all.  While Seven was critically and commercially successful, Fincher’s debut feature film, Alien 3 was not.  To this day, Fincher disavows himself from the film.  His disputes with the producers over the script and budget are well documented.  Fincher even told The Guardian once, “No one hated it more than me, to this day, no one hates it more than me.”

Ouch.

While I 100% disagree with Fincher on his assessment of Alien 3 (I personally love the film) his contentious relationship with the studio made him retreat back into video music directing.  In fact some accounts claim he almost quit Hollywood (or at least feature films) altogether.  He’s famously quoted as saying “I thought I’d rather die of colon cancer than do another movie.”  Thank God for cinemafiles he didn’t.

All great films start with one solid foundation:  a great script.  Andrew Kevin Walker’s screenplay is damn near flawless.  He based the screenplay off of his time in New York City, which he hated.  Walker did admit however that if he hadn’t lived in NYC he probably wouldn’t have written Seven.

Seven definitely possesses a New York City feel to it but the film never comes out and SAYS it’s in NYC.  There’s a dreariness and oppressiveness to the film even in the way it’s shot.  Rain and darkness pervade the movie and most scenes take place in poorly lit rooms.  In fact the gloom is so prevalent that when scenes in the sun actually happen, it feels discordant.  It’s not a coincidence that the final scene occurs in broad daylight. The way that Fincher and cinematographer Darius Khondji capture these elements is nothing short of masterful.  Production designer Arthur Max added to Seven‘s tone by creating a dismal world that reflected moral decay.  From a physical standpoint, the dark images were accomplished through a trick called “bleach bypass” wherein the silver in the film stock wasn’t removed.   The shadowy tone implies that the events and actions of both John Doe and the people of the city, could be in any major metropolitan area. Isn’t it terrifying to think there are John Does everywhere?

Fincher himself hadn’t read a screenplay for a year and a half after his experiences on Alien 3.  Yet Walker’s script intrigued him enough to draw him in.  It was a master treatise on inhumanity.  The inhumanity in the serial killer John Doe but also the inhumanity of everyday people.  David Fincher likened it to a “meditation on evil.”

“A meditation on evil” is a perfect description of how I feel about Seven.  While yes John Doe (Kevin Spacey) is a deranged and misguided individual, the script and the character forces you to question whether or not he’s truly insane.  Moreover, it posits that labeling serial killers crazy is inherently dangerous.  At one point Doe, says to Detective David Mills (Brad Pitt) that it’s easy to label him as crazy.  This reflects Detective Lieutenant William Somerset’s (Morgan Freeman’s) admonition to Mills, “You can’t afford to be this naive!”  I think both characters are trying to say that if you dismiss these individuals as insane, you’re deliberately ignoring the circumstances of what drove these killers to perform their heinous acts.  Perhaps it is the circumstances themselves that need fixing. Failure to do so just creates more John Does.  As Spacey says in the film, “Only in a world this shitty could you call any of these people innocent.”  He really and truly believes that.    In fact I might offer that the common sins he sees everyday are comparable to his own acts of violence.  John Doe doesn’t see gradations of evil.  In his mind all sins are equal.  That we allow them to continue makes us all complicit.

Too often in serial killer films the violent act tends to overwhelm the entire movie, ala Friday the 13th.  What’s ingenious about Seven is how NONE of the actual murders for the seven deadly sins occur onscreen, except the last one.  Think about it.  Somerset and Mills discover all the victims after the fact.  Rather than spend the time showing John Doe’s actions, he as a character remains, appropriately, in the shadows until the third act.  We see his psyche revealed gradually through others’ examination of his crimes or in the countless notebooks he writes.

To expand on the absence of onscreen deaths, there’s a direct corollary to something I think Fincher deliberately intended.  Sometimes horrifying images are worse if they only reside in our imaginations.  Take for example the lust victim where John Doe forces an unwilling man to wear an S & M device on his genitals and then proceed to rape and kill a prostitute.  They never showed it but I can remember imagining what must have happened in my mind’s eye and being chilled to the bone.

That’s not to say of course that there weren’t a few gruesome moments. The scene where the SWAT team discovers the sloth victim who suddenly jerks up on the bed alive?  It gave  me nightmares and still haunts me.

You really can’t ask for better casting than Seven.  Pitt was perfect for the role of the eager but somewhat naive Mills.  This film along with his Academy Award nominated performance in 12 Monkeys  that same year, really catapulted him into the Hollywood limelight.  Morgan Freeman’s Somerset counterbalances Mills.  Older, experienced, but jaded, Somerset sees Mills as how he used to be, before time and relentless city crime made him disillusioned.  Al Pacino, Denzel Washington, and surprisingly Sylvester Stallone turned down the role the Somerset.  (No offense to Sly but thank God he did).  In retrospect I’m glad they all passed because I can’t see anyone else playing Somerset.

The supporting cast is just as stellar with the exceptional R. Lee Ermey giving one of  his best performances as the police captain.  Gwyneth Paltrow shines as Mills’ lonely wife.  That scene in the restaurant where she talks to Somerset about her pregnancy is as intriguing as any other part in the  movie.  Heck even Richard Roundtree, mothereffin’ Shaft, showed up as a District Attorney.

Of course the real gem of the supporting cast is Kevin Spacey as John Doe.  Ironically just like Pitt, his turn in Seven and 1995’s The Usual Suspects pushed him to the Hollywood A-List.  Spacey’s Doe flipped the preconceived notions of what constitutes a serial killer on its head.  He’s not a suave intellectual like Hannibal Lecter or certifiable like John Wayne Gacy.  Spacey’s Doe comes off logical and detached, almost serene.  The only time he really expresses any emotion is when Mills calls Doe’s victims innocent.  Even his final words to Mills are measured and reasonable, as if he’s reciting directions to Costco rather than telling him how he raped and murdered Mills’ Tracey.

Which leads us into the “WHAT’S IN THE BOX???!!!” scene.  Has there ever been a more compelling, terrifying, and shocking scene in the history of cinema?  Possibly.  But it’s at least in the top ten.  Yet the history behind the scene is equally fascinating because it almost didn’t make it on film.  New Line actually sent Fincher the wrong draft of Seven.  The draft they meant to send was actually a later draft that didn’t have the head in the box scene in it.  There was a huge amount of pressure to eliminate the scene due to its severity and gruesomeness.  However, Fincher and Pitt fought hard to keep the scene in, Pitt going so far as threatening to quit if the scene was not included.  In fact Mills shooting John Doe was supposed to be the final shot of the movie.  Both the production company and Fincher reached a compromise where the head in the box scene remained but the scene where Somerset quotes Ernest Hemingway was tacked on.  Ostensibly this part was done to soften the blow of the previous scene.   Considering the head in the box scene is one of the best in movie history, it’s incomprehensible to think it was almost left on the chopping room floor.

The genius of the scene itself were the reactions of all three characters.  Somerset upon seeing Tracy’s head in the package, jerks away and begins to stutter.  From a detective who’s seen it all and grown accustomed to the dark tendencies of the human race, this possesses a ton of impact.  Up until now Somerset has been unflappable.  This truly unnerves him and concurrently the audience.  John Doe meanwhile continues as his normal cool self.  He reveals to Mills how he raped and murdered Tracy in an almost laconic manner, as if the act itself was perfectly natural.  John Doe believes the act to be a logical progression of the murders that have come before, and that his death at the hand of Mills is the only natural conclusion.  Over the years Brad Pitt has certainly had his share of hits and misses, much like any actor.  However, if you ever doubt his acting ability, I challenge you to re-watch this scene.  The look of pure anguish on his face at the realization that Doe has killed his wife is palpable.  You can almost feel his guts churning when he yells “Oh God!”  And his expression when Doe says that Tracy was pregnant?  Never have I felt such sympathy for a character.

Mills killing Doe always left me with mixed emotions.  On the one hand, I’m thrilled that Doe finally gets his after all the murders he’s performed.  However, conversely Mills’ act seals the fact that Doe won, just as Somerset said it would.  Moreover, I believe Doe WANTED to die.  He accomplished his mission and he didn’t want to live in such a sinful world. The ending leaves one questioning the nature of evil, and more importantly the gradations of evil in society.  Is the world “worth fighting for” as Ernest Hemingway said?  Somerset seems to think so, despite the evil already present in the world.   I tend to agree.

Twenty years later Seven remains a compelling and compulsively watchable film.  It’s a film that challenges you and makes you question the nature of evil and perhaps the lies we tell ourselves to avoid and ignore evil.  It’s also impeccably directed, marvelously shot, superbly acted, and flawlessly written.  And furthermore it’s just damn entertaining.

Two decades later Seven is still a perfect 10.

You can follow me as Darth Gandalf on Twitter @cocook1978

Doctor Who carries its fair share of wackiness.  As eccentric and off the wall as The Doctor tends to be, I can’t ever recall him breaking the fourth wall.

Until this last episode.

His dissertation about “The Bootstrap Paradox” (also known as a Causal Loop*) is not only fascinating, but it sets the tone for the entire episode.  The idea that if you had the ability to time travel, you could essentially become Beethoven boggles the mind.  The Doctor makes his bones traveling through time and space and changing the flow of events, however we also know that there are some fixed points in time that he cannot change, particularly anything to do with his own timeline.  The events in “Before the Flood” are an example of that situation.

We start out with The Doctor, Bennett, and O’Donnell traveling back in time to 1980 looking to engage the mole like creature who started this whole mess.  The ominous Soviet Union paraphernalia that inundates the town (turns out it was an invasion training base for English soldiers during the Cold War) creates an almost paranoid atmosphere.  You feel like Big Brother is actually watching.

The Big Brother not watching was the mole like creature Alba Prentiss, who just happens to be an undertaker transporting another alien for burial.  Turns out the supposedly “dead” alien is the real entity behind the ghosts and the transmissions.  Thank goodness for that plot change because Prentiss may be one of the most annoying aliens I’ve ever encountered on Doctor Who.  Could the “please oppress me” remarks get any creepier?  It was like 50 Shades of the T.A.R.D.I.S.  Yeesh.

Meanwhile in 2119 on the underwater base, Clara deals with the harsh possibility that The Doctor may actually be dead.  His ghost (?) keeps repeating a sequence of names over and over again.  And in one of the oddest moments in Doctor Who history (and that’s saying a lot) The Doctor actually has an interaction with his ghost via video chat.  Talk about Timey Wimey.  His conversation with Clara is much more intense however.  Although The Doctor says this is a fixed point in time he can’t change, Clara is having none of it.  Clara’s statement, “I don’t care about your survivor’s guilt!” cuts to the heart of the matter.  She’s already lost Danny.  She can’t afford to lose The Doctor.  Her response is essentially, “You’re The Doctor so fix it.”

Turns out The Doctor has to fix a dead alien who’s not really dead.  The merry trio discovers Prentiss dead (yay!) and his passenger gone.  Before long it’s stalking all three and eventually kills O’Donnell, much to the consternation of Bennett.  The confrontation between Bennett and The Doctor drips tension.  Bennett realizes The Doctor let her die to see if the list his ghost was saying was actually a sequence of people who would die.  The Doctor is nothing but pragmatic and his only concern is saving Clara.  Funny enough some of that ruthlessness apparently rubbed off on Clara, as later she’s accused of being callous by putting Lunn at risk.

The Doctor’s attempt to go forward in time and save Clara reinforces his belief that he’s dealing with a fixed point in time.  The T.A.R.D.I.S sends The Doctor back in time to the moment just after they arrived in 1980 the first time, where he and Bennett see their past selves.  (And if that’s not a Back to the Future Part II moment I don’t know what is!)  Much like Marty McFly or Doc Brown running into their own selves, The Doctor will not allow Bennett to save O’Donnell.  It’s tragic and again kind of callous but nothing we haven’t seen before with Doctor Who.

Yet despite The Doctor’s callousness and despite his insistence that he can’t change his destiny this time, The Doctor proves to be wily and tricky once again.  He doesn’t just dare to violate the laws of time and space but the laws of life and death as well.  It’s funny how a simple lie to an alien about words on the inside of a spaceship can change things for the better.   Simple yet elegant at the same time.

And before you can say, “Bob’s your uncle,” The Doctor emerges from the suspended animation chamber safe and sound.  The next thing you know his ghost leads all the other ghosts into the Faraday Cage and traps them.  I was a little disappointed from a plot perspective when The Doctor’s ghost turned out to be a hologram.  It basically just stole the hologram trick from last week’s episode.  Plus the last second reveal of Lunn’s love for his commanding officer was a little pat.

What wasn’t pat was the ultimate conclusion of “Before The Flood.”  Much like the Beethoven example at the beginning of the episode, The Doctor brings the story back around to “The Bootstrap Paradox.”  The messages from The Doctor hologram were a tip to The Doctor about when to confront The Fisher King alien.  It forced him to take action.  Yet The Doctor said those things because that’s what the ghost said.  The only reason he created it was because he saw it first here.  It’s Beethoven all over again, a causal loop with no beginning and no end.

One thing that also appears to have no end is the quality of the episodes for Series 9.  Saturday can’t come fast enough.

On a scale of 0 to 10 Sonic Sunglasses this episode rates an 8.

*If you’re interested in “The Bootstrap Paradox” you might want to check out Robert A. Heinlein’s short story “By His Bootstraps.”

You can follow me on Twitter as Darth Gandalf @coocook1978

Buzz-worthy books of the week

Batman and Robin Eternal #2

It totally didn’t even dawn on me when this started that Bruce Wayne was no longer Batman. Part of me just figured it was happening after that arc of Snyder’s. It actually works out nicely because the Robins have more reason than usual to stick together.

Chewbacca #1

Everyone’s favorite wookie is getting a limited series. No talk of it being a prequel. Not sure how he separated from Han.

Goon In Theatre Bizarre #1

A special Halloween one-shot about everyone’s favorite monster pulverizing mobster.

Guardians of the Galaxy #1

The Guardians are back together. this time with FF’s Ben Grimm and Kitty Pryde filling in for Star-Lord.

I Hate Fairyland #1

A young girl gets trapped in a fairyland dimension for 30 years and gets a little stir crazy.

New Avengers #1

Sunspot, having taken over AIM, is making it into a peace-keeping group with its own Avengers. His only obvious choice was Hawkeye and padded the rest of the roster with some peripheral Avengers (Hulkling, Wiccan, and Squirrel Girl). The best part: Songbird gets to be an Avenger finally!

Spider-Gwen #1

The strangest hit Marvel has had in a long time is back. Don’t miss it just because it isn’t Peter. It’s legit!

Switch #1

Apparently, this started out as web comic on Deviant Art that is hitting the big time. It will technically be self-contained but will have tons of cameos.

The Twilight Children #1

Gilbert Hernandez and Darwyn Cooke team up for this alien tale that takes place in Latin American. It includes some blind kids, a women who might be an alien, and some kooky CIA agents, as if there is any other kind.

Uncanny Avengers #1

Steve Rogers is now leading the unity squad (the X-Men/Avengers co-op), and he’s got a hell of a line up. Doc Voodoo. Quicksilver being a good guy. Spidey, always fun on a team. A Human Torch, with Johnny joining the Inhumans, I’m kinda hoping its Jim. Oh, and Deadpool. Yes to more Deadpool. Especially more Deadpool and Cap. Double especially more Deadpool and Cap written by Gerry Duggan. The only thing that would be better is Deadpool, Cap, and Wolverine. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly back together.

Director: Eli Roth

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Lorenzo Izzo, Ana de Armas

Plot: Family man Evan stays home overnight while his family goes to beach to recover from an injury and work. Two girls turn up at the door lost during a rainstorm looking to us his phone only to seduce Evan and wreck havoc upon his house.

Review: Eil Roth was considered a hot new horror director when he arrived on the scene with Cabin Fever for reasons that weren’t clear to me at the time it came out. He managed to stay ahead of the trend with Hostel, one of the more notable if ultimately pointless entries in the short-lived ‘torture porn’ trend. As a director his output has been slow with only the lacklustre The Green Inferno being released since Hostel Part II came out eight years ago. Now we have Knock Knock, which is going to generate more unintentional laughter than scares.

Knock Knock taps into the popular ‘home invasion’ sub-genre that’s been doing well lately, but hits a stumbling block early with an atrocious script. Both the set up and the dialogue is bad. Plot twists are telegraphed miles in advance, such as a guy coming around at the start of the film to announce that he would be stopping by later to pick up an art piece. It’s explained near the end of the movie that the neighbours didn’t hear him screaming for help because, by some insane coincidence, they’d all gone out for the entire night. Ridiculous moments like this are frequent.

Some good dialogue may have helped but lines like “Why? Because you fucked me? That’s fuck fuck fuck fuckity insane!” bellowed by Reeves does the film no favours. The psychotic girls mostly just gibber nonsense with the occasional allusion to sexual abuse while Reeves yells “fucking bitches” over and over again. There’s something distasteful about child sex abuse being plonked into the middle of the movie as a ‘reason’ for these characters to be insane only to be thrown aside just as quickly.

In terms of tone the plot is a mess. The girls are convincing as dangerous seductresses, maintaining an air of mystery while selling their malicious intentions. A minute of two after Reeves succumbs to their whiles they’ve completely flipped and turned into different characters, throwing food around and eating out of dog food bowls. The movie tries to sell us on them being crazy and unpredictable but for the most part they come off as annoying with almost no tension to the plot. Occasion comments are made regarding infidelity, paedophilia and although societal fears but they never get fleshed out enough to matter.

This being essentially a three person performance you really next the cast to bring enough effort and talent to carry the whole film. Reeves has proven to be a good actor from time to time but he’s sleep walking through this. De Armas is the better of the two girls, mixing a childlike naivety with her insanity, but most of the dialogue gets handed over the Roth’s young wife Izzo and she just does not have the presence or talent to make it work.

From a film-making stand point the movie is amateurish. Pointless and jerky tracking shots punctuate a reliance on close-ups for every scene. The low point comes with two cringe-inducing montages. One tries to show the passage of time by making every second shot a close up of a clock and, even worse, the supposedly raunchy sex scene being punctuated with family photos again and again and again.

Just when things seem they can’t be any more ridiculous they go for an ending that suggest a public shaming of Evan for his actions, but leaving him and the house in a state that can only read as an assault. There is no way anyone is going to disbelieve his story that he was being forced to act against his will. These are either the most stupid serial offenders in cinema or just dumb script-writers.

This isn’t going to jangle your nerves this Halloween. It’s best viewed for comedy value.

Rating: TWO out of TEN

Last Halloween we rolled out this feature, and what better time to revisit it? These are the movies that I encountered in my childhood and haunted my nightmares, revisited as a somewhat adjusted adult.

We covered An American Werewolf in London and Return to Oz last time, and now…

The Movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The Trauma: Through my mother’s efforts I had minimal exposure to horror movies as a child, but it was the 80s. Freddy Krueger was everywhere. I would have been 8 or 9 years old when I got my first sighting of the character, and by this point he was a pop culture phenomenon. He had tie-ins with the dozens of products, including the Nintendo Power Glove, and his movie soundtracks featured such acts as Guns ‘n’ Roses performing original songs. I don’t know what I saw first, but I have clear memories of seeing the snake monster, the TV monster and the syringe glove, which all came from the 3rd movie. He also popped up as a print ad in ‘2000AD’ comics and was often speculated about in the playground. I’m not sure why Ben thought he had a spacesuit though.

The Review: While I’d seen clips and parodies of Nightmare movies throughout my life I only saw the full movie when I was about 17. I loved it. I was already a huge fan of horror movies, slashers in particular, and this is among the best. Even with some the effects looking dated the movie holds up today.

Craven took the inspiration for the character from a creepy homeless man he encountered as a child and a study of sleep disorders. The result was a child murderer who was lynched by the local parents and burnt to death only to return to haunt the dreams of their children. When Freddy attacks you in your sleep you suffer the effects in the real world, and he gets plenty creative with how he kills. The movie is build around some decent teenage characters (including a debut performance from Johnny Depp) but it’s Freddy Krueger who steals the show. His distinctive design and terrifying dream world/boiler room is still scary, with the sound of his knives being dragged across the railings being an excellent motif.

As the characters learn more about their stalker and how the rules of the world operate it begins to looks hopeless, ratcheting up the tension. Wes Craven struck a balance between the human characters and the supernatural horror and although he opened the floodgates to an entire sub-genre of imitators nobody else matched at his own game.

A Nightmare on Elm Street remains scary today, and the strongest in a long running series. Earlier this year I did confront Freddy himself and held him to account for the night terrors he caused.

Score: NINE out of TEN

Side note – years later we did get the chance to confront Robert ‘Freddy’ Englund about giving us nightmares. It went as well as expected.

Next up…

The Movie: The Adventures of Ichabod and Mister Toad (1949)

The Trauma: Disney takes on the story of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, the classic short by Washington Irving, about a gentle teacher being ridden down by the local superstition. Although it’s an animated Disney film the Headless Horseman is terrifying…especially ending where nothing is happily ever after.

The Review: There’s something disarming about this movie. It retains the style of Disney animation up until that point with character features being exaggerated for comedic value. There’s comic relief, musical numbers and nerd vs jock rivalry over a girl. Everything is as expected, and one could even assume that after the jock tells the story of the Headless Horseman it’s only to frighten poor Ichabod Crane.

The sequence leading up to the Horseman’s appearance builds suspense and drips with atmosphere in a way few modern horror films can manage. The dark colour palette, the haunting strings and the red herrings can put any viewer on the edge of their seat. When Crane finds the source of the galloping sounds and laughs in relief at his own mistake the audience shares his relief…and then…

Everything about the Horseman works. He’s insane laughter, the demonic horse, and the iconic flaming pumpkin. This stands as one of Disney’s scariest moments and I love it.

Mr. Toad? No idea. I only saw the Ichabod portion of the film after the two parts were separated for television broadcast.

Rating: NINE out of TEN

Mmmm you can already start to smell fall in the air.  Who doesn’t love this time of year?  Hoodie weather, pumpkin beer, Halloween, apple pies and of course football.  To celebrate the return of the gridiron I figured I would combine two of my favorite things out there – football and movies – into one Hollywood style fantasy draft.   Here’s the final roster!

Head Coach: Herman Boone, Remember the Titans

Who would be up to the task of leading a group of players with this much drama attached to them?  All of them have some sort of emotional or psychological journey they’ve been on and it would take a hell of a Coach to keep them together. How about the man that pretty much ended racism in a small town and went undefeated? Done.

Assistant Head Coach: Tony D’Amato, Any Given Sunday

When we last met Tony he was already on his last leg of coaching so an Assistant position would work nicely for him.  Plus we need to have the man behind the greatest motivational speech of all-time to be there in case of an emergency half-time meeting.

Quarterback: Shane Falco, The Replacements

A rocket arm, undeniable leadership and enough journeyman experience to humble the man.  Oh, and this quote “Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory.. lasts forever”. Yup that’s our Quarterback.

Running Back: Boobie Miles, Friday Night Lights

When you put the ball in the hands of Boobie Miles you get magic, plain and simple. You need that type of swagger and confidence with the guy on your team who’ll be toting the rock 30 times a game.  Just get him a knee brace.

Fullback: Spike, Little Giants

Your fullback is really only given the ball in short yardage situations when you reallllly need to push the pile and gain a yard or two. Who better for this job than the guy who was squatting refrigerators as a 12 year old?

Wide Receiver: Rod Tidwell, Jerry Maguire

Some would say there’s a swagger overload with both Boobie and Rod on the team but I’d say Rod was a changed man after his near-death experience on Monday Night Football.  Plus think of all the money we can make with his trademarked “Show me the money” slogan!  He’s everything you look for in a #1 receiver.

Wide Receiver 2: Tweeter, Varsity Blues

Every football team needs that scrappy little chain mover who does all the dirty work and consistently shows up when a big first down is needed. Tweeter is a man along the lines of Chrebet, Welker and Edelman and he’s exactly what this squad needs. Plus he parties naked.

Middle Linebacker: Bobby Boucher, The Waterboy

If every team needs their scrappy player than they also need their completely bat-shit insane defensive standout, and that’s Bobby! The guy can go from 0-60 in less than a second and is rumored to have actually killed someone in a game. A tackling machine and a sure-fire defensive stopper, he’s the ideal middle linebacker without any cocaine problems.

Outside Linebacker: Daniel Bateman, The Replacements

Another absolutely insane tackling machine with a high motor who once started visibly attacking referees on the field of play. He wears his heart on his sleeve and often his opponent’s blood which is a perfect recipe for defensive madness.

Cornerback: Willie Mays Hayes, Major League

Now yes, Willie is a center fielder for the Cleveland Indians but our scouts say that he’s talented enough to be a two sport athlete.  He even played football back in high-school and was an All-American track star. You can’t coach speed and this man can keep up with any WR we throw at him.   He’s basically Dion Sanders.

Free Safety: Rudy, Rudy

This man’s heart carried an entire team to victory and while he might be undersized for the position his weaknesses will be covered up behind our linebackers. He’s also the most motivational player we have on the field and brings it every single day in practice – a truly invaluable player.

Bonus – Kick Returner: Forrest Gump

He may be the village idiot but he’s the fastest son of a bitch alive. RUN FORREST RUN!